The Life Skills Approach

Integration for a Whole You
Think of a wheel with a hundred spokes all meeting at the center. Each spoke represents a different aspect of you, but the center represents your self image, where all your thoughts are directed. You may think differently on each spoke, but all of your thoughts are directed to your self image. So as you think, depending on your self image, you get responses to your thoughts.
At the center of that wheel, we have the ability to connect to a positive or negative self image. When you choose a positive self image, you are able to go beyond yourself and focus on the center of the wheel, the place of perfect balance. Your negative self image is connected to the past and how your environment shaped you. At the center, you are connected to the Wisdom of the Body and an Ultimate Reality. You have the power to determine your own self image, thus determining how you interpret the thoughts of every spoke of your wheel.
By accepting the responsibility to determine your self image, you naturally Integrate a whole you. Your positive self image is connected to inner wisdom and a greater reality. You positively live in the moment connected to powerful inner resources ready to respond to the simplicity of grace.
Imagine the simple act of accepting your positive self image has the power to integrate the whole you. That simple action basically says that your whole being is available all of the time; you just have to be in the right place to accept it.

Marc Lerner, working through the Life Skills Institute, h
elps people accept their whole being. Go to http://ahealthywaytobesick.org for an example of turning difficult times into magic. Go to http://lifeskillsinc.com to explore his entire work. Our greatest sin is ignoring our Whole Being.
© Marc Lerner and Life Skills 2010

The Art of Controlling Boredom
By Marc Lerner

When our consciousness runs with familiar habits, boredom seldom exists. It is when consciousness doesn’t benefit from the old habits and you lack interest or purpose in what you do. Boredom is basically getting stuck in your mind with nothing to do and you lack the courage to explore the unknown.
To most people security is found in familiar habits. These habits can be thoughts, beliefs or behaviors. Security like that requires no courage, so the unknown poses no challenge. It is when those old habits don’t serve you and you have nothing to do, that initiates boredom.
I seem to appreciate the reality of less stimulation mentally because my consciousness is free to pray without attachments to my mind-made reality. That is when I approach silence with humility, receptive to literally touch the moment with my heart. In situations that seem boring to most people, I feel blessed to simply be.
Let’s take a moment and study what is boredom:
The negative aspects of boredom, which is how most people look at it :
• Inhibits the healing process because awareness doesn’t trigger the Wisdom of the Body
• Limits learning something new and the creativity to explore new things
• Boredom and spiritual growth don’t exist together because when you are trapped in old habits without the courage to explore the unknown, spirituality becomes an understanding and not experiential.
The benefits of Boredom, which is how I have been forced to look at it;
• It becomes a trigger that tells you to become hungry for a deeper quality of life
• It shows you where you get stuck in your mind
• It can become a trigger for a spiritual search, which stimulates the heart and strengthens your connection to God
• Reminds you to have a phone visit with the people you love.
• I think the most conscious moment emerges when a sincere dialog with God comes from nothingness, where your thoughts don’t intrigue you. That is on the threshold of boredom and it is a gift to be there.
Lessens your attachments to your thinking mind and frees you for a spiritual search.

Nothingness to the mind may cause boredom, but nothingness for the soul is a spiritual playground.

After dealing with a chronic illness for 29 years, Marc Lerner has learned to master boredom. Go to http://ahealthywaytobesick.org to see a practical example. This simple technique can be used to eliminate boredom in any difficult time. Life is too precious to waste.

© Marc Lerner and Life Skills 2010

The most spiritual people I know don’t have to talk about spirituality to be spiritual. I sense them in the moment and their focus inspires me. I used to go to philosophical geniuses to satisfy that thirst, but now I find it in the people I love. Their expression of the heart directly talks to my heart without my intellect and associations intruding. It is as if I don’t exist when I am with them. Now that is a special gift.
When I focus on my thoughts and intellect that is how I receive them. When I don’t exist and receive them, my deepest wisdom embraces the moment with love. When I look to capture their thoughts for future inspiration, my focus is in my mind and I exist. When my heart captures my consciousness, my mind-created reality disappears and I don’t exist.
What a gift that is. My Mom inspires that in me and so does my lover, Amy. One of the most inspiring things in my life is to watch Amy dress in the morning. She has one useful arm, giving her one hand. She is so focused in the moment, her physical beauty slips into the background. When I join her in that moment, I enjoy the reality that moment offers. When I help her in any way, my consciousness begins to move in that reality.
My Mom has her own spiritual moments also. The way she plays with her great-grandchild captivates the love she has given her family throughout my life. I have an illness that she worries about often. You could say she nags me about eating right, but when I enter the moment she is in…I find that incredible moment. If I focus on her nagging, I receive her with my mind and it is sometimes annoying. When I receive her from my heart in the moment, I find the loving touch she has offered me my entire life. My focus determines how she is received. How could I ever complain about her in any way? I just need to be responsible for what I focus on within me. My Mom’s love is really precious and I just need to receive it with the quality it is given. When I do, regardless of what she shares, I benefit from life with the highest quality.
Many people complain about their parents largely because of the way they receive them. That is an example of looking outside of yourself to solve personal problems. Look within and receive life from the depth you receive life in your deepest spiritual moment. If you find that quality within, all your complaints in this world evaporate. This world isn’t perfect and that is why compassion was created. Embrace your complaints with a spiritual heart and your life becomes spiritual. I have many problems right now and this essay was written for me.
Marc Lerner coaches people in a struggle to live in that spiritual moment. Spiritual is not always religious, it just involves the silence beyond thinking connected to your heart in a selfless way. Go to http://ahealthywaytobesick.org for an example of facing challenges in a spiritual way that is real.

© Marc Lerner and Life Skills Institute 2010

I have found that there are two main life skills people need to develop to establish happiness. The first is our self-image. We think to our self-image and our self-image responds to our thoughts. If we have a negative self-image, we get negative responses to whatever we think. I have dealt with people with serious challenges. I have taught them the simple technique that changes their self-image immediately changes the way they interpret their situation. If we can learn to interpret our situations from a positive perspective, we can be genuinely happy during our darkest times.
The second life skill is simple self-trust. When we put importance into our thoughts, we see life as less significant than our mind-made reality. There is an art to how we use our brain and it requires self-trust to make this inner reality serve us. For instance, I worked with combat veterans with PTSD. When they were in combat, no thought in their mind was as important as their life. I used that same principle as I dealt with cancer and AIDS patients. When I made their life more important than the creations of their mind, they found a deep happiness as they dealt with their challenge. In that happiness is the Wisdom of Their Body and powerful inner resources they need to fight their illness.
I have seen a profound happiness at the core of every human being, which is tied into the will to live. If we found that happiness in our day-to-day life, we would face our challenges free from limiting thoughts and self-imposed boundaries. When we develop a positive self-image with self-trust, our brains have the ability to float beyond the limitations that miss the miracle of life.
Marc Lerner has written a book, A Healthy Way to be Sick, which can be downloaded at http://ahealthywaytobesick.org . You can find the rest of his work at http://lifeskillsinc.com . I feel the real potential of each of us begins within and it is up to us to discover it.
© Marc Lerner and Life Skills 2010

My Story:

In l98l, within a week I became legally blind and numb over much of my body. I was at UCLA Hospital and, though I was dealing with some of the experts in the field, they could not tell me what was wrong with me. Later, after tests, they told me I had multiple sclerosis and should expect to be in a wheelchair within 6 months. I was only 29 and not willing to accept that diagnosis as reality, but it was a springboard for dramatic change in my life. After having the experts, who spent years mastering their area, tell me they could not do much for me, I looked within. I was forced to rely on my inner resources like never before.I remember reading that your body responds to the commands of your mind and, though I did not feel I created this situation, I was determined to correct it. This unfortunate situation made me think of a Norman Cousins quote: "You either reside in your body or you preside over your body." With a positive self-image, I was able to preside over my body, exercise daily and eat a healthy diet. It was 28 years later that I finally ended up needing a wheelchair, but let me share with you what I was forced to discover.

As I lay in bed after coming home from the hospital, I started looking at the way I thought. I saw that when my thoughts were directed to a negative self-image, which was easy to have at that time, I got negative responses to whatever I thought. When I directed my thoughts to a positive self-image, which I was fortunate to have had in the past, I got positive responses to my thoughts. When I thought about the future and the challenge before me, it was obvious what part of me could best deal with that challenge. I then developed ways to consciously condition my mind, so I automatically thought to my positive self-image. I developed ways to be able to switch from whenever I was in a negative state of mind to a positive one. Imagine changing the ability to how you respond to your own thoughts. Your intention strengthens, your determination forces you beyond resistance and you find a natural way to correct limiting thoughts. In 1983, I founded Life Skills Institute, a non-profit dedicated to empowering people facing any struggle to tap inner resources. When inner and outer resources work together in a partnership, personal suffering is reduced, medical expenses are reduced and it is easier to care for that person.

My most recent book, A Healthy Way to be Sick, teaches a practical technique for patients to avoid negative thinking and fears as they connect to the Wisdom of Their Body. To read this e-book, go to http://ahealthywaytobesick.org . I have written over 37 articles for Ezine.com magazine, where I have Expert Status. Many of those articles have been reprinted around the world on other health sites and on my blog, http://lifeskillsapproach.com . I have also written seminar guides, such as Using Habits Instead of Habits Using You and To Struggle is to Grow.

I worked with Vietnam vets with PTSD at the West LA VA in California for 25 years. I developed other life skills that teach people how to consciously control their self-trust, which helps them to use powerful inner resources instead of limiting thoughts. I developed techniques to control negative thinking and avoid self-sabotage. I have given seminars to cancer groups, AIDS groups and the mentally ill homeless. I learned that, no matter what the age or health condition, when a person connects to the Wisdom of Their Body, they play a significant role in the quality of their life.

The Forgotten Element in Healing
By Marc Lerner

We have been conditioned to look to doctors when we are sick. In modern medicine, the medical expert is a trusted resource to rely on. I recently had an out-patient brain surgery to deal with tri-geminal nerve pain. I went home hours after the surgery without the tri-geminal pain.
The next element required in healing is the amazing science of medicine. Through this incredible art, I was put to sleep for the surgery, awakened so I could guide the surgeon to the right nerve and then put to sleep for the nerve to be numbed to control the pain. Then after the surgery, pain medication was a tremendous help. The pharmaceutical world is an amazing tool in modern medicine.
The third important element in the healing process is how the costs of these treatments get paid for. Insurance companies definitely play a significant role in healing today, because if the patients had to worry about covering these significant expenses, their healing process would be compromised.
These three elements of healing are totally intertwined and depend on each other, but when we limit our focus to these external resources, we tend to ignore the powerful inner resources of the patient and the significant influence they plays in healing.
The patient’s role in healing brings qualities like a positive self image, confidence and self trust to the healing process. Those qualities help make the medical treatments more effective as they reduce stress and anxious thinking. Basically, the patient has the potential to make the other elements of healing work better and more efficiently.
The amazing thing is these qualities are not external resources; they exist within the patient and every one has the potential to develop them. Unfortunately, even though this is an important quality to develop, it is often overlooked because of our tendency to have an external focus as we concentrate on thinking and rely on external authorities.
A patient can develop these qualities by creating conscious habits that influence the subconscious mind. This development utilizes external resources from the best part of the patient. This is how a patient becomes an active partner in the healing process. When the other three elements respect and expect the patient as a partner, the healing process will work much more efficiently.

A valuable tool in developing the patient’s role in healing is found in the e-book Marc Lerner wrote, A Healthy Way to be Sick, which can be downloaded at http://ahealthywaytobesick.org . When patients utilize inner resources to make external parts of healing more effective, we cannot ignore the significant the patient plays.

© Marc Lerner and Life Skills 2010